Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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