so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the day after is always just damage control
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
