I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
