why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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