I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize