i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
