I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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