I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
