hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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