It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
