You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
