That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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