and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
