All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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