Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
