You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
