How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
