Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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