I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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