Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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