Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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