I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
