Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
