She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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