Acid is not a monday night drug
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
