Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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