Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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