I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
