I have demons in me.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
