think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
