12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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