Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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