Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
