do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
