He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
