you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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