your room smells of hookers.
And success
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
