I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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