Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
