I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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