Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
