omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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