His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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