my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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