I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
