How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
