My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I lost the right to judge tonight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
