Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
