The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So squirting runs in the family.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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