between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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