Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
