this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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