we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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