is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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