my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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