Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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