im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
