This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
