I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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