Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
