you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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