If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
even my farts smell like vagina
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She told me I should be a condom model.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So much rum. So many feels.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
