using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sext me about skeletons
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
