We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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