remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
