So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
