I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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