so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
