My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
there is puke in my bra ... again
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