champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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