We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
